Ate way too much on vacation. That wouldn't have been so bad had I not continued to eat waayyy too much the week following vacation. It is gross. I can't even bring myself to get on the scale. But I am moving on. Walked yesterday morning and this morning. Endeavoring to walk each day this week. I digress...

I struggle with doing the things it takes to just be. I get bogged down in the details. I will have a burst of...something, and have an uber-productive day, and then it is like all my energy is spent for the longest time. It bugs me!! Establishing a pattern is the HARDEST thing for me to do, even though I know I love routine, and would thrive. Whine, whine, whine. I know the solution is to just buck up and do it! Whatever 'it' may be. Maybe if I stopped contemplating, and just started doing.

I am changing slowly, though. I accept that I am me more than I did, say 6 months ago. I remember being 17-ish and really feeling like I did not know "who I was." (like, panicking about it. is that how you spell 'panicking?') What I want to go back in time and tell myself is "Self, learning yourself is a lifelong journey. Take your time. Get to know yourself well. Spend time with others, but also spend time alone. Feelings are not wrong."

I find myself longing for simplicity. Large, open spaces, time at home, cleanliness. I don't think this is a coincidence. I think that I need that and even more, that I value that. Weird? Crunchy? Maybe.

I do know that I want (and have always wanted) to be authentic. I don't like hypocracy, even though I am not above it sometimes. I avoid labels for myself, and for the longest time I have feared that meant that I didn't know myself, but now I am realizing that just means that I don't fit into a box. I really want to find the things that I value, that I desire, and implement them into my life. The trick for me is, going from that being a nice idea at 10:00 in the morning to being the peace that I live with at 6:00 p.m.