I found this website, and it makes me smile.
http://operationbeautiful.com/
Its important to remember that we are not alone, and that we are all beautiful.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Starting....Now.
I have done nothing but eat for the past week. And how! Junk, junk, junque!!! It has been disgusting, and I have probably put on at least 8 pounds (in two weeks, I'll say). However, through the magic of prozac, I am secure in the fact that I will regain ground quickly and get back into my healthy eating routine. And, truly, I want to. I feel gross.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Untitled
I have a problem adjusting to change. After my first child was born, I went through some post-partum depression, that was nasty and unexpected. Again, as is a theme with me, I did not seek help and I SHOULD HAVE. I wasted so much time feeling rotten and something could have been done about it! Prideful and stupid!!
I was tired, sluggish, confused, sad, angry...and it festered. I definately was not able to connect with my baby like I thought I should be...and I was ashamed!! I always thought motherhood would come easy to me...not that I assumed it would be easy, but I thought I would be a natural (afterall, I had a good example in my mom). I think that the lesson I had to learn - and that I am still learning - is that I am not my mom. And that is okay.
I never hurt my baby, but I did have really ODD thoughts during this time. I was irrationally terrified to hold her on a sidewalk or the driveway, cause I had overwhelming thoughts of dropping her. Also, I remember at night when she would wake I would be so exhausted that I would think "I can just put her outside of the window and then it will be quiet and I can sleep." And I was lucid enought to KNOW how crazy that was...but it was still a thought that I had!
Anyway, that was the first round of real depression that I have dealt with. Well, not counting my freshman year of college. But that is another story for another time. At any rate, I still feel reverberations from the PPD. In some ways, it is a funk that never entirely went away. I read an article about rumination this week and that fits me to a 'T.' I over-analyze myself until there is nothing there.
I was tired, sluggish, confused, sad, angry...and it festered. I definately was not able to connect with my baby like I thought I should be...and I was ashamed!! I always thought motherhood would come easy to me...not that I assumed it would be easy, but I thought I would be a natural (afterall, I had a good example in my mom). I think that the lesson I had to learn - and that I am still learning - is that I am not my mom. And that is okay.
I never hurt my baby, but I did have really ODD thoughts during this time. I was irrationally terrified to hold her on a sidewalk or the driveway, cause I had overwhelming thoughts of dropping her. Also, I remember at night when she would wake I would be so exhausted that I would think "I can just put her outside of the window and then it will be quiet and I can sleep." And I was lucid enought to KNOW how crazy that was...but it was still a thought that I had!
Anyway, that was the first round of real depression that I have dealt with. Well, not counting my freshman year of college. But that is another story for another time. At any rate, I still feel reverberations from the PPD. In some ways, it is a funk that never entirely went away. I read an article about rumination this week and that fits me to a 'T.' I over-analyze myself until there is nothing there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)