Okay, so I quoted Aerosmith in my last post, then googled the lyrics to 'Amazing,' and wow. I love it when I completely see my life in song. It gives me goose bumps.
In related news...why can't I copy and paste into my blog? Anyone...anyone...Bueller?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I Don't Believe in Beatles, I Just Believe in Me
I can't believe that I have mostly avoided religion up until this point!! Of all the sources of internal conflict!! Hold on to your hats...
I have been raised with the requisite amount of Catholic Guilt. The funny part of this is, when I was a child, a teenager, I had no problem blindingly accepting the nice little package of The Church all bundled up and tied with a bow. No--scratch that. The funny part is that at the time, I TRULY did not think that I was naive. Cut to Toby Keith singing I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then....but I digress.
At some point I woke up and started questioning my faith. And I still am. And here is what I've figured out for myself*
-Faith is different than religion.
-I have a major problem with organized religion. (This is a whole other post. Or series of posts)
-I still feel the need to attend church on a weekly basis. (Really. I feel bad if I don't.)
-I did not know about transubstantiation until after college (that's what growing up in rural, protestant MS will get you). I can't get on board with the Catholic thinking on that one. However, I can't seem to make the switch to Episcopal Church (even though that is one of the major diffs between the two, and the Episcopals seem to be a little friendlier to the social causes that I support).
-I just ordered a book on Buddhism yesterday. Buddhism is not really a religion, but in my opinion (and from the limited reading that I have done), it seems to be a really good way to implement many of the things that religion implies that people should do.
-I wish I could just take the plunge and be Buddhist.
-However, I don't believe in reincarnation, and I do believe in God.
-Maybe I should just join up with the Jews for Jesus. After all, Jesus did not teach people to be good Christians. He wanted people to be good Jews.
-Let me preface this by saying that I think Jesus was a really good guy. A moral example for all of us. Having said that, I think people put way too much emphasis on Jesus, and kind of make God second fiddle. Let's remember our priorities.
-I believe in evolution and have already begun telling my kids about it (in the words of They Might Be Giants, "Science Is Real.") (hey, they sure won't be getting that version in Catholic school)
-Yes, my kids go to Catholic School.
-I do believe in God because I want to. I really want to believe that there is more out there and that there is some devine force that exists.
-Its more the man-made product of religion that I find questionable.
-My heaven consists of me getting to meet my Grandmother and learning the truth behind the JFK assassination.
-Life's a journey, Not a destination. Thank you Aerosmith.
*this list is subject change with or without notice at any moment
I have been raised with the requisite amount of Catholic Guilt. The funny part of this is, when I was a child, a teenager, I had no problem blindingly accepting the nice little package of The Church all bundled up and tied with a bow. No--scratch that. The funny part is that at the time, I TRULY did not think that I was naive. Cut to Toby Keith singing I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then....but I digress.
At some point I woke up and started questioning my faith. And I still am. And here is what I've figured out for myself*
-Faith is different than religion.
-I have a major problem with organized religion. (This is a whole other post. Or series of posts)
-I still feel the need to attend church on a weekly basis. (Really. I feel bad if I don't.)
-I did not know about transubstantiation until after college (that's what growing up in rural, protestant MS will get you). I can't get on board with the Catholic thinking on that one. However, I can't seem to make the switch to Episcopal Church (even though that is one of the major diffs between the two, and the Episcopals seem to be a little friendlier to the social causes that I support).
-I just ordered a book on Buddhism yesterday. Buddhism is not really a religion, but in my opinion (and from the limited reading that I have done), it seems to be a really good way to implement many of the things that religion implies that people should do.
-I wish I could just take the plunge and be Buddhist.
-However, I don't believe in reincarnation, and I do believe in God.
-Maybe I should just join up with the Jews for Jesus. After all, Jesus did not teach people to be good Christians. He wanted people to be good Jews.
-Let me preface this by saying that I think Jesus was a really good guy. A moral example for all of us. Having said that, I think people put way too much emphasis on Jesus, and kind of make God second fiddle. Let's remember our priorities.
-I believe in evolution and have already begun telling my kids about it (in the words of They Might Be Giants, "Science Is Real.") (hey, they sure won't be getting that version in Catholic school)
-Yes, my kids go to Catholic School.
-I do believe in God because I want to. I really want to believe that there is more out there and that there is some devine force that exists.
-Its more the man-made product of religion that I find questionable.
-My heaven consists of me getting to meet my Grandmother and learning the truth behind the JFK assassination.
-Life's a journey, Not a destination. Thank you Aerosmith.
*this list is subject change with or without notice at any moment
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Ahhhh....
So, I've changed the background of the blog. Heretofore, it has been Black, Plain Black, and it was appropriate. But I'm not feeling so dark lately. I have to open the proverbial windows and let some light in here! Not that I'm not still conflicted, confused, and self-involved...now just in Color!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Ate way too much on vacation. That wouldn't have been so bad had I not continued to eat waayyy too much the week following vacation. It is gross. I can't even bring myself to get on the scale. But I am moving on. Walked yesterday morning and this morning. Endeavoring to walk each day this week. I digress...
I struggle with doing the things it takes to just be. I get bogged down in the details. I will have a burst of...something, and have an uber-productive day, and then it is like all my energy is spent for the longest time. It bugs me!! Establishing a pattern is the HARDEST thing for me to do, even though I know I love routine, and would thrive. Whine, whine, whine. I know the solution is to just buck up and do it! Whatever 'it' may be. Maybe if I stopped contemplating, and just started doing.
I am changing slowly, though. I accept that I am me more than I did, say 6 months ago. I remember being 17-ish and really feeling like I did not know "who I was." (like, panicking about it. is that how you spell 'panicking?') What I want to go back in time and tell myself is "Self, learning yourself is a lifelong journey. Take your time. Get to know yourself well. Spend time with others, but also spend time alone. Feelings are not wrong."
I find myself longing for simplicity. Large, open spaces, time at home, cleanliness. I don't think this is a coincidence. I think that I need that and even more, that I value that. Weird? Crunchy? Maybe.
I do know that I want (and have always wanted) to be authentic. I don't like hypocracy, even though I am not above it sometimes. I avoid labels for myself, and for the longest time I have feared that meant that I didn't know myself, but now I am realizing that just means that I don't fit into a box. I really want to find the things that I value, that I desire, and implement them into my life. The trick for me is, going from that being a nice idea at 10:00 in the morning to being the peace that I live with at 6:00 p.m.
I struggle with doing the things it takes to just be. I get bogged down in the details. I will have a burst of...something, and have an uber-productive day, and then it is like all my energy is spent for the longest time. It bugs me!! Establishing a pattern is the HARDEST thing for me to do, even though I know I love routine, and would thrive. Whine, whine, whine. I know the solution is to just buck up and do it! Whatever 'it' may be. Maybe if I stopped contemplating, and just started doing.
I am changing slowly, though. I accept that I am me more than I did, say 6 months ago. I remember being 17-ish and really feeling like I did not know "who I was." (like, panicking about it. is that how you spell 'panicking?') What I want to go back in time and tell myself is "Self, learning yourself is a lifelong journey. Take your time. Get to know yourself well. Spend time with others, but also spend time alone. Feelings are not wrong."
I find myself longing for simplicity. Large, open spaces, time at home, cleanliness. I don't think this is a coincidence. I think that I need that and even more, that I value that. Weird? Crunchy? Maybe.
I do know that I want (and have always wanted) to be authentic. I don't like hypocracy, even though I am not above it sometimes. I avoid labels for myself, and for the longest time I have feared that meant that I didn't know myself, but now I am realizing that just means that I don't fit into a box. I really want to find the things that I value, that I desire, and implement them into my life. The trick for me is, going from that being a nice idea at 10:00 in the morning to being the peace that I live with at 6:00 p.m.
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