Scratch that plan for July. My self-imposed writing challenge was the surest way to block anything close to inspirational. Whatev.
Why is it, though, that I have such a hard time doing the things that I like to do? Like writing, or walking, or having a clean house? I can rationalize not doing them all day long so well, you would think I was trying to avoid the plague!! Blah!
Today I am feeling really unbalanced. I need to center myself. I think I am getting more comfortable with taking a spiritual journey (seeking things outside of Christianity...not to replace, just to supplement) and trying to just breathe and focus.
I have an overriding thought the last couple of days. Not a totally foreign one, but it is making me think. I wonder if I am being present enough for my kids. Is there a way for me to not work (or not work so much) and be able to provide for them? I feel like I am not able to give them enough consistent quality time...I'm sure a concern of all working mothers...and I am so stressed to the max, that I can't really be present when I am with them. I worry about my daughter. I think she needs me more, and needs more structure. Less TV. How can I accomplish this? How could I be able to pick her up in the afternoons and help her with her homework rather than squeezing it in after I get home at 6:00 in the evenings?
How could I afford to pay my bills? Other people get by with a lot less salary than we have--why can't I?
(I know the answer to that last question is 'because I don't want to,' but I don't want to accept that fact right now).
To be continued...
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